Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So many bounce houses so little time
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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