I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
