K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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