He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
