At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
