I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
