Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
