why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
