Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
