I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
