fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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