$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
