oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
