i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
