I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
