Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
