WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
