I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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