life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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