Yo dont text me then not text me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
