Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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