I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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