How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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