I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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