i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
