He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
