You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
