oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
