Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
