how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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