I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
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MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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