My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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