come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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