TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
