i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The uberlube is also flammable
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
