I'm so fucking centered right now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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