i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize