Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
