Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Found the puke drawer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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