How's work?
Spinning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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