He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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