Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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