Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
