What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have fence marks all over my body
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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