I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
