so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
