My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
