I'm going to jail i love you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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