there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you never un-have a 4some
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
