Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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