I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Houston, we have a squirter
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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