I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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