Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
