I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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