You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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