fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
