I wish i was in the wii world.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize