my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
