it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
