btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
