ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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