First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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