i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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